The Moment I Give In: The Skill That Changes Recovery

We all have a moment when we want to give in, and cave to temptation.

Whether it's reaching for food, sending the text, scrolling, avoiding something difficult, or falling back into an old pattern, that moment can feel impossible to resist and unbearable.

But recovery isn't about never feeling discomfort. It's about learning the skill of staying with yourself through it. 

In this episode, I explore why we give in, what happens in our nervous system in those moments, and how somatic therapy can help you build the capacity to tolerate discomfort without immediately escaping it. 

If you've ever thought, "I know what I should do... but I can't" this episode is for you. 

You'll learn: 

•  How understanding isn't enough to create change. 
•  What happens just before we give in. 
•  The skill that supports lasting recovery and emotional resilience. 
• Why bearing discomfort is a skill worth developing.

Whether you're struggling with emotional eating, anxiety, relationship patterns, or other compulsive behaviours, learning to stay with yourself in difficult moments can change everything.

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Transcript

The Moment We Give In

Today's podcast is about that powerful moment when we suddenly stop resisting what we're craving for and reach for relief.

Hi, I'm Shelley Treacher from the Stress and Anxiety Recovery Podcast.

This week I made a YouTube video about something I think we massively underestimate in psychology. Those tiny moments where we give up and decide to reach for relief. The moment when we suddenly think, ah, sod it, I'm doing it. I just need something. Or I'll start being good again tomorrow.

I want to explore this idea a little bit more deeply on the podcast here because I think it sits underneath so many human struggles.

I've talked a lot about emotional eating here and also compulsive relationships. It's also underneath scrolling, overworking, drinking, avoidance, overthinking, and checking our phones every five minutes. Even things like binging a Netflix series, procrastination, or abandoning things that we care about.

Why Tiny Moments Shape Our Lives

A lot happens in those tiny moments that completely change our course of action, and in some cases our lives. It happens suddenly, doesn't it? There's a sudden change of heart, a sudden giving up, and relief feels way more important than anything else.

That's really what this week's video is about. So here's that audio.

Why Learning to Bear Discomfort Changes Recovery

You're not gonna like this one.

Learning how to bear discomfort is one of the greatest skills that you can develop in life.

The answer isn't trying to get rid of the thing that makes you uncomfortable. It's learning how to stay with it.

Whether you're struggling not to overeat, to stop texting someone, or to stop endlessly scrolling, recovery often asks us to stay with the feelings that we would rather forget. Like anxiety, feeling a fear of failure, or that really difficult conversation that you know you've got to have.

I know. I didn't like it either.

It's so easy to miss it, but the moments that change us are the ones that we often gloss over.

You know the ones I mean.

The moment when you abandon that run, or you decide not to go to the class that you signed up for.

Or you reach for junk food, thinking I'll start the diet tomorrow.

Or you reach for your phone, thinking I'll just be a moment scrolling.

Or you decide to text that person, thinking it won't be any harm.

These are split-second moments, almost unnoticeable.

But these moments, they shape our lives.

Today I want to talk about something that is quietly at the center of every kind of change: bearing discomfort.

Not always and not all at once, but just enough that we stop abandoning ourselves every time something feels difficult.

Because what I know in therapy, and in my own life honestly, is that people often hope that change will happen suddenly, like a big revelation or shift, like a massive transformation or change of personality.

But change really most often happens in the tiny and incredible moments that nobody really sees.

These are moments when your nervous system wants relief.

Why Your Nervous System Wants Relief

But instead of giving in to that, you stay with it for just a little longer.

The automatic instinct of our nervous systems is to move away from something uncomfortable.

That's normal.

We all do that.

But some of us have learnt that discomfort is not only uncomfortable, it's unsafe.

Uncomfortable experiences like loneliness, boredom, rejection, shame, or even stillness, need, uncertainty, or compliments.

And so we learn really clever ways of getting away from this internal feeling.

Overthinking, checking our phones, scrolling, watching television, obsessing over a Netflix series, food, compulsions, avoidance, fantasy.

The problem with this is that the behavior becomes necessity, even survival, and then the pattern becomes much more difficult to interrupt.

That's why people end up saying, I knew what I was doing, I just couldn't stop it.

It felt like something took over me.

What Happens Just Before We Give In

But when things really start to change, is in those moments before the behavior.

The moments before you decide to leave the party, the moments just before you reach for the food, and the moments when you start to scroll.

These moments are incredibly important because these are the moments where you give up on yourself.

Because often underneath those moments, and just before, there was a feeling that you didn't notice.

It goes barely noticed.

And you might have a drop in your stomach, a tightness in your chest, and you might have discouraging thoughts like there's something I don't want to do or something I'm scared of.

And in a split second, your nervous system unconsciously reacts and says, I need to protect you from this.

And that's why learning to bear your discomfort, even a little bit, matters so much.

Not because suffering is good, and not because you have to feel worse before you can feel better.

But because if you don't learn to bear some of your discomfort, you're going to build your life around escape.

Building Capacity Instead of Escaping Discomfort

I want to say this bit really clearly.

Learning to bear discomfort is not about shutting up, putting up, and being miserable.

Sometimes, crying, leaving the discomfort, and asking for help is the right thing to do.

This isn't about becoming punishing, rigid, or controlling.

It's about building capacity.

Building capacity is about noticing when you would ordinarily escape into comfort and pausing, lasting a little bit longer before you do.

Maybe you stop scrolling for a moment and ask yourself what you're doing, and see if you feel uncomfortable and stay with that for a moment.

Maybe you stay at the party for ten minutes longer and be curious about what made you uncomfortable, that you wanted to leave.

Or maybe you start that run, noticing that it's uncomfortable, but that you're bearing through it for a little while.

And maybe you tolerate your loneliness before reaching out for someone.

Maybe you still use the comfort, you just notice more.

How Bearing Discomfort Expands Your Life

And here's the truth that you already know.

The more we do this, the more we escape into comfort, the more our world becomes smaller.

We stop going out.

We stop making friends, we stop risking and doing things that are new.

Our world becomes so small as we become more afraid of life.

But when we start to increase our capacity for discomfort, the world opens up again.

We become more tolerant, we make more connections, we try different things, and we get more enjoyment out of life and become more confident.

But discomfort doesn't disappear from your life, it just becomes more manageable and less terrifying.

Honestly, I think this is one of the most underrated and deepest healings in life.

So if you recognize yourself in any of this, maybe become someone who's not just interested in the behavior and being hard on yourself because of it.

Maybe become interested in what's happening before.

In that moment when you convince yourself that you need to escape.

And the thoughts that you're having, the feelings that you're having, the body sensations that are all happening.

Because these moments are so much more powerful than you think.

And learning to stay there, even briefly, can slowly change your life.

Modern Life Makes Discomfort Harder to Bear

On reflection after producing that video, I can also see how modern life does nothing for us in bearing discomfort as well.

We live in a world where relief is always available, from food, phones, streaming, scrolling, notifications, dating apps, online shopping.

We've got constant stimulation, which seems to have ramped up since COVID.

And now we even have AI companions.

We can move away from discomfort within seconds, and we can even get technology to talk us out of it.

So many of us have completely lost contact with the experience of staying with ourselves for even brief moments of discomfort, or even knowing that that's a good thing to do.

There's this tiny moment when the body says, Nope, I don't want to feel this.

And immediately we move away.

But staying with discomfort gives us so much.

A Real-Life Example of Bearing Discomfort

Obviously, I can relate to this.

I'm not above these human things.

Most recently, I went back to running after a huge sedentary winter gap.

And the way I got through it was by bearing discomfort.

So I'd reach a point where I just didn't want to run anymore.

And I'm like, no, I'm just gonna bear discomfort.

This is all this is.

I'm just feeling uncomfortable.

I'm gonna run through that.

It's amazing how well that can work.

And so I was building up again and I managed to run about 9k, which is the furthest I've run for a couple of years.

And then I twisted my ankle.

Not while I was running, and not while I was drunk.

But I fell down a couple of steps that I just didn't see, and couldn't get up.

Fortunately, this is only a week later, and my foot has healed tremendously, and I could walk eventually.

But I'm not gonna lie to you, that was really tough emotionally.

I could feel that my nervous system went into a state of shock and alarm.

I was lucky that I didn't have a huge amount of pain, and painkillers definitely helped.

But there was a lot of bearing discomfort that week.

And I'm not gonna tell you that I did that perfectly.

There were times when I reached for the chocolate.

But I also never dropped over the edge.

There were times when I just talked myself through and breathed.

Questions to Ask Before You Reach for Relief

It's important here not to judge any of these moments harshly, from having the craving, giving in to a craving, to staying with the difficulty underneath.

Your key is understanding all of this more honestly.

By asking what's happening here?

What am I feeling?

What did my nervous system suddenly need?

And what became unbearable in that moment?

And just starting to address the real lack or the pain instead.

Learning to Stay With Yourself

Today I talked about how quickly we move towards relief when something inside us feels unbearable.

I talked about how compulsive behaviours often make far more sense than people realize.

And I spoke about the importance of the moment before we give in.

And about how learning to stay with ourselves slightly longer can slowly change our lives.

Thank you so much for listening today.

If this meant something to you, you might also want to listen to my podcast about why we keep going back to things that we know are bad for us.

Because it connects so deeply to this idea of relief and regulation.

This has been the Stress and Anxiety Recovery Podcast with Shelley Treacher.

I'll be back again next month.

In the meantime, be a little bit kinder to yourself.

And I'll speak with you again soon.